Kinda/sorta Breaking Up with Blogging

Friends, I'm holding back on some really choice blog topics... but not by choice (it's not you, it's me - insert complaint about grad-school overextendedness here). Basically, I've decided to see other people besides Blogspot. To sow my wild oats, I'm electing to micro-blog on Twitter haphazardly. Brevity isn't my strong point, as you know. But, that's how it's got to be for now. There will still be break-up and make-up blog posts with reckless abandon. So do keep an eye on this space, even if only to check in on Karen's Corner (on the right there - you all are seeing that, right?).

I still can't seem to get the Twitter updates for both Karen and me to run simultaneously as Blogger gadgets (any techies out there, please help!). Otherwise, you'd see my Twitter updates on the right hand side as well. Hopefully soon... (HEY, IT'S FIXED. THANKS MARINARA MAN!)

Anywho, here's what you'll be missing cuz I can't allow myself to blog to my heart's content:

• A rant about (blech) Panera Bread
• Highlights of my email exchange with Peter Reinhart
• An internal battle of epic proportions over Ellwood's new coffee shop
• My attempt at duplicating Chef Andy's Mediterranean Shortstack
• Where to find the cheapest walk-in yoga - a discussion post
• DIY mental healthcare: aka Dr. Weil's 4-7-8 relaxation breath
• Cedar plank fish experiement (i.e., next time don't use frozen fish)
• Best and worst meals with Jasper ever: both at P.F. Changs, of all places
• More pizza stone sleuthing

This is less than a week's worth of posts, some already partially written. I had 164 blog entries last year. I'm sure you all know that I won't be able to stay away.

Pugs + Babies + Mud = ?

This pug got his mug all up in the camera, while others planted sloppy wet kisses on our baby. Their paws spread mud all over Jasper, Karen, and me. (I think the dog's name was Oscar. Hard to tell with over 20 pugs stampeding around Barker's Field.

This four month old pug was overwhelmed by everything, except Jasper.

Some people bring non-pugs. It's a free world.

By this point, you're probably noticing how good pugs are with babies. This is an incomplete picture. Pugs have many unappealing idiosyncrasies. I don't want to enable breed fetishes by promoting pug propaganda (but damn, we love our pug).

This fawn pug (means beige) was as soft as a $50 teddy-bear.

For those keeping score at home, the black one on the left with the green harness is Frankie Poo Bubbas.

Previously mentioned pug mug hamming it up.

We all had to get changed after this romp.

The outting wasn't perfect. Jasper wanted a nap really badly. That basically means he was looking for anything to nurse on. Right on time, the pugs offered their tongues.

It's Baby Picture Time

I hope you're ready for baby pictures. Jasper may not be everyone's favorite blog topic, but my family calls the shots around here last time I checked, so let's get these over with all at once. You might even learn something. At least one food bargain is referenced in here too.

Tight bros, chillaxin'.*
Today, they're both going to make mad mayhem at the pug meet-up
(Jasper's first, Frankie's twentieth - they're herding animals, you know)

Jasper is "a big stand up man." Gettin' vertical has been his favorite thing since maybe he was six months old. But, it's kinda hard to photograph, cuz he you gotta have your hands ready to catch him.** Now he's "cruising" on anything he can get his hands on and giving dirty looks when you act like he's gonna fall (which he does all the time).

Look out Tim Kaine, Jasper has stolen your raised eyebrow shtick.
(this is his new play area upstairs, by the way)

Yellow pepper and shaved fennel pizza, slightly overdone. Trader Joe's herb pizza dough kinda killed the subtlety of the fennel.
Hey! We got the most gigantic organic fennel bulb at Kroger for $2.69. They're usually tiny, non-organic, and $2.99 or more. We've used it in five dishes so far and still going.


This is Frankie's spot on the couch, where he looks out the window. He won't give it up no matter how often Jasper uses him for drum, or pulls on his ears.

I didn't show you lots of xmas pictures, probably because Jasper had to get dressed up in corny clothes. But that didn't dampen his excitement. This big furry toy came from BJ's and it inspires a wild-child wrestling style from Jasper.

You might have thought Regency mall was dead, but actually it's been taken over by babies. We found this one (on the right) to be very approachable. He and Jasper took turns patting each other on the arm and then kinda shoving each other until they both nearly tumbled off the couch - but Karen caught them.

The baby foodie spies his future toys. Actually, he plays with these every time he does a drive-by in his jeep. Sorry for the product placement.

Jasper's eating disorder: requiring two hands to get his puffs in his mouth. This was taken a while back. He uses his fingers instead of his whole hand now. His latest thing is dropping the food on the floor for the dogs.

*this word should not exist
**Much to Karen's design disapproval, out of focus pics is the best I can do these days.

Breakfast and Wifi on the D.L.

I'm sitting here in a booth at Aunt Sarah Pancake House on W. Broad, by The Phoenician. Sometimes, I have to go into hiding like this to make the world slow down for minute, get some school work done, and some work work too. The FREE WIFI sign has been attracting me for a long time now. Whenever I do this thing, playing hooky from work, I can never seem to figure out where to sit down and be productive for 2-3 hour stretches. I could stay home, but Jasper and I tend to distract each other (even while grandpa is doing sitter duty). Anywhere near VCU is parking prohibitive and swarming with students. The Black Sheep has no wifi. Do you all have any suggestions?

In the meantime, let's take a look a little closer at my surreal setting. We've got CNN on one TV and FoxNews on the other. The table looks all sticky. It's not, but the tri-fold menu is. I can hardly wrap my mind around the choices. Sadly, no huevos rancheros. The place is non-smoking. So, that improves the air quality and reduces the griminess. Remember those stained glass lamps that Ruby Tuesdays smashed in their commercials, making a big deal about their long overdue redesign? I think they got handed down to Aunt Sarahs.

Can you tell I haven't been in a big chain greasy spoon in a long time? I've got so many good memories about breakfast food at Ihop (childhood), Denny's (high school), and Shoney's (college). This visit requires an indulgent trip down memory lane. As you may have noticed in past posts, I love biscuits and gravy. The stuff appears in multiple locations on the laminated pop-up book of a menu. To make sense of the whole thing, I narrowed my choices to the 6am-10am specials (simply can't pass up a sale). And there it was at the bottom, "Sizzlin Skillet with biscuits and gravy, two eggs and choice of potato" for $5.99. Well, I planned to go to the gym today anyhow. Let's do it.

The last skillet meal I had was at Cafe Rustica. So, that probably put an unrealistic expectation in my mind (more of a mental image than a real belief ab out what I was going to be served). I asked the server if they could do my gravy without sausage and I saw a little twinkle in her eye before she said, "Sure thing, baby." It's not really that big of a deal what they had to do to accommodate me. I know there's bacon grease in that gravy. It's probably on my coffee cup too. And the cook probably just poured the gloppy white goodness through a slotted spoon before putting it into my skillet. Whatever. I didn't ask them if they have GimmeLean or Morningstar Farms.

Within five minutes my breakfast arrives; a silver tin pan (not a cast iron skillet) resting in a wooden cozy. There's no sizzle. I touch the pan. It's not hot. My mound of white gravy sits atop two halves of an english muffin, not biscuits. The potatoes are thin previously frozen disks, and the eggs over easy are... perfect, of course. If you're reading this thinking that I'm trying to tear Aunt Sarah's a new one, then I must have faked you out with my wind-up. Mediocrity can be a thing of beauty.

There was nothing especially good about the gravy, or the potatoes, and what can you say about two made to order eggs? But I wouldn't site any shortcomings either, just trade-offs. The privacy, the TVs, the Wifi, the six refills on my coffee before I'd finished eating and writing this... plus a disturbingly full belly all for under $10? Why was I asking for suggestions about other work-day getaways? Not quite sure, but I welcome your input nonetheless.

Wait, didn't I say I came here to do some work? Doh!

The Debut of Karen's Corner

I've said that I was gonna blog less and I've done anything but. Can you tell I have a grad school paper due? Luckily, help is on the way. No, Karen won't be filling in for me (well, not completely). She's not keen on writing, being a graphic designer (hit up her freelance website, Darling Octopus Designs, if you want to support her true talent). The news is that Karen is beginning to use Twitter. From now on, you'll find her latest 140 character microblog entries, titled "Karen's Corner," in that right-hand column.

Who can name this Richmond glutton's paradise?
(I'm having deja vu. Did I already give this quiz?)

This is really a load off my shoulders. Knowing that Karen is going to be reporting out on her extra-marital food-blog reading lets me breathe a little easier and focus on my studies, child rearing, work, house chores and maybe a little exercise. Between the two of us, our tweets will hopefully keep this site relatively fresh when full fledged blog posts aren't possible. Of course, you can also follow us on Twitter, if you're into that sorta thing. (If any one can help me figure out why blogger won't let me post gadgets for both of our Twitter updates, please let me know. It replaces my tasty tweets with Karen's. )

Now, I don't wanna downplay the significance of this event. You all have mostly heard from Karen through me. The "even better woman" behind this man has largely been silent (except for her birth story). I could tell you all about her creative cooking mind and her incessant planning and her internal radar for locating clearance sections - but I don't wanna spoil the treats that you're in for. Maybe, if you're persistent, we can even get her to correspond in the comments section. Stay tuned.

You Asked for It: Cheap Restaurants

You might have noticed that I tried to survey my readers to see what kinds of posts you'd like to see more often (comments aren't an accurate indicator). After a month of votes slowly trickling in, the readers' choice is pretty clear: CHEAP RESTAURANTS (four included at the end of this post). I didn't vote, personally, figuring that I've kinda got like a president's veto power thing in this case. But, if I had voted, I'd have called for more cheap eats as well. Unfortunately, I don't know how much dining out I'm gonna be doing this year considering our precarious income situation and the difficulty of containing Jasper's boisterousness. Plus, in the past year, the number of Richmond blogs dedicated to food has increased ten-fold, mostly restaurant focused. And I'm still not sure anyone is really filling Brandon's shoes (my initial influence to blog about food). So, as usual, I gotta be different, and try and set this site apart from the crowd. Please feel free to provide your own data analysis in the comments section (especially considering the larger Richmond and food blog contexts). Regardless, expect more unpredictability, and that includes me turning over some rocks and finding bargain places for you to binge while we're suffering through cabin fever at home.

Your second choice was expensive restaurants. I'm guessing that my stories about fine dining are more for entertainment value than my unqualified opinion. But, those are the real rackets that often need to be scrutinized, whereas cheap places often exceed expectations. So just Paypal my email address with the subject line of the bourgie place you want me to and Karen to go for dinner (and send a sitter over too). Which brings me to a minor regret. I should have asked if you wanted to read good "reviews" or bad ones. The negative reviews get the most hits, but they also get the most angry comments. Plus, positive reviews really help you decide where to go for dinner and what to order. There's so many ways to be useful. I hope to be responsible in the process.

In conclusion, the outcome of this poll is really enlightening for me. I wish I could design this site to suit everyone's needs/tastes. Unfortunately, I'm too temperamental to guarantee any kind of consistency in my future posts. The fact is, i'm gonna blog about what I want and you're gonna like it. I mean, I really do hope that you'll like it. But, that's really a secondary consideration, at this point. I mean, are you gonna ask for a refund? Seriously, though. If you read this site, please feel free to email me with ideas/suggestions/questions (see profile for contact info). Hearing from yall reminds me that it's not just me and WetlandSusie out here.

Now, lemme try to give you enough cheap eats to cross that one off my list for the next few weeks. Here we go with a few very affordable meals I've had recently:

Momotaro Sushi
2803 W. Cary St.

Hold tight for high praise. On my way home from work, I popped into Carytown's newest sushi joint (and the closest to my house) and then called Karen to say that I was bringing home a surprise dinner. The price of the rolls were cheaper than I've seen at a lot of other places, plus they give 10% off if you have a student ID. I ordered very unadventuraously, trying to play it safe, save money, and put off an extravagant meal for dining in. I took home a spicy tuna (we have to try it everywhere), a california roll (not real sushi, but still an important benchmarker), a spicy yellowtail roll (the special of the night), and the momotaro roll (california-like with crab and spicy mayo). Folks, this was some of the best sushi I've had in Richmond (I know, maki rolls aren't sushi, blah blah blah - but it survived the ride home on my bike). The yellow tail was so delicious that Karen was sure they snuck some kind of "deep fried goodness" into the minced fish. We never figured it out, assuming the texture was the sesame seeds. We both really admired the subtle perfection of the spicy sauce added to the fish (same with the tuna). The momotaro didn't feature a lot of crab, but it didn't matter. That spicy and fatty topping together with tender sweet crabmeat was nearly erogenous. I'm going back early and often to help them get off to a good start, since we can't go to that other Momo place in NYC any time soon. (Momotaro is a Japanese folklore hero who's story is a lot like the genesis of the American Superman).


La Palmera
7701 Midlothian Tpk

Best plantains I've ever had. Karen said the chicken in her enchiladas was tastier and more moist than most and the sauce was deep and mole-like. When I told the server that I'm vegetarian, she said she'd throw together some sides that would fill me up "until you don't feel vegetarian." I'm not sure exactly what she meant, but I seriously did overeat. Maybe it was that the horchata was over-sweetened. But, I think the place is a safe bet for lots of authentic Mexican options. Go here and swear off Casa Grande, El Paso, and Mexico restaurant. Even if you're already discerning enough to steer clear of those chains of culinary crimes, La Palmera will deliver at or above your standard for decent Mexican. Plus, Janet from Richmond swore by it in 2007.


Young Bin Restaurant
7437 Midlothian Tpke # B (next to a Marshalls, bonus!)

If I told the whole story of my visit to this place, I'd be revealing too much of my ignorance. Let's just say, I'm vegetarian, don't like kim chi, and I'm not really into very many pickled veggies (although I should learn to love the stuff, cuz they're free with everything here). Korean food may not be for me. But, for the rest of you, Young Bin will probably be a real treat. If you like beef, go there now. The tables around me had platters of steaming meat and a dozen small bowls of accompanying veg. Some dropped the meat in broth, others in lettuce leaf wrappers (so jealous at the sight of this). They were having fun and you probably would too. The highlight for me was the complimentary hot tea. It tasted like brown rice syrup, only hot and appropriately dilute. Mmmm. I'd go back for that. On the way out, I said "go mop sum nee da," (Korean for thank you very much). A useful by-product of my three years of Tae Kwon Do. They've got a little grocery store there too. Take home a big sack of rice, cuz times are tight.


Bacchus for Brunch
Main and Meadow

I hear both Bacchus and Rowland's brunch services are suffering (must be my kiss of death). The best thing about an empty restaurant is not having to feel bad about my high energy wild child spinning around like a top in our booth. I just wanna relay the highlights, cuz it wasn't all good. Eggs baked in tomato sauce for $5 (came with home fries). A great deal (but needed crusty bread instead of dried up corn bread). Karen is more into the egg/tomato combo than I am, but it was big and pretty and tasty. I got a frittata with broccolini, mushrooms, and riccota and it was the size of a medium pizza. It made me ask Karen on the way home, "is there anywhere in Richmond that makes good frittatas?" (feel free to answer that one for me). She responded, "Maybe you're just not into frittatas, Jase." "You like them. Name one that's any good." I'm not going to tell you Karen's answer, cuz you'd think I was ego tripping. But I will say that I don't put big chunks of bland potato in mine, and it's small and concentrated enough that every bite is eventful and cheesy, instead of big gaps of plainness. Bottom line: Bacchus' prices are much better at brunch. Help'em stay open.

Jasper demands a recount!

(this is the face he makes whenever he spots a camera pointing at him. Basically, he wants to put all technological devises in his mouth - after a thorough inspection, of course)

Restaurants Ruined by "Those People"

Have you ever stopped going to one of your favorite restaurants because it started attracting "the wrong crowd?" Maybe you felt out of place once your spot became home to clientele that were different from you. It happens. Restaurants change to tap into more viable targeted markets and ensure the survival of their business, or maybe the word spreads to different communities creating a tipping point, and sometimes sociological factors make those changes permanent. To be honest, I haven't given this concept much thought. I like going where I stick out like a sore thumb. That uncomfortable out of place feeling is kinda exciting to me. The feeling of presumed "belonging" makes me feel guilty in some way. But, in the larger scheme of things, I probably do follow the birds of a feather and flock together with other young middle class whites. So, let me get on with my reason for this prelude.

The other day, when I was getting my haircut, my barber and I talked restaurants for a minute. I've learned to avoid discussing current events with him and figured food would be a safe topic. I mentioned a nearby place that I liked a lot and he asked me, "Is it run by blacks?"

Um, no.

"Surprised I haven't heard of it."

What if it were run by blacks?

"Well, they got a whole bunch of places now. You remember that seafood place?"

(sigh) Which one is that, Croakers Spot?

"No."

Ya know, Richmond is a pretty segregated place, with black restaurants and white restaurants, just like the barber shops.

"That's true. What's the name of that place? Dang, I can't remember. They had good seafood before it was a black place."

Well, I think some of the best food in town is at restaurants run by black people... and latinos, and...

"I'm sure you're right. But I can't even go to to that seafood place cuz it's over run with blacks." (barber's words in quotes, if you haven't caught on)

So it's just too crowded, you're saying?

"No. I can't enjoy a meal with all those black people ruining it. Red Lobster, that's it!"

My in-laws love that place. It's a national chain. You don't go to any of'em anymore?

"No, sir. Not since the blacks took over. I even went to the one in Fredericksburg and it was the same thing, blacks all over the place."

...mmm...

"The last time I went, there was a whole family of'em in the next booth." (he's looking at me with bulging eyes like he'd just described coming face to face with a grizzly bear while hunting) "The most unruly children you've ever seen."

Yeah, kids can really make a racket in a restaurant.

"But black kids are the worst, I tell ya."

Now, I know this interaction is both sick and comical (but it is an accurate retelling). So, let me give you some background. I've been going to this barber shop on and off for years. The man's racist rant was no surprise on this day, and yet, in the moment, I'm always in denial about what I'm hearing. The haircut is so much more reliable and faster and lower priced than anywhere else, that I keep going back. But, I'm not going to name the place and I may delete comments that do. If I wanted to expose this barbor shop, I really should have done it years ago. At this point, I feel totally complicit. This anecdote was a very mild episode compared to those I've tried to forget. He usually goes off about nigger this and nigger that, with extra special hate speech for Barack Obama. At times I would object (while he's got the straight razor on my neck), and other times I would stop going there for stretches. Now, I don't know if I'd feel right going back at all after bringing this to light.

It's clear enough that he's holding court in his business and so he feels comfortable speaking his mind. I'm guessing that he meets very little resistance when he flaunts his prejudices and uses racial slurs in his shop, but I'll bet plenty of his customers feel the same way and take part, rivaling his enthusiasm with their own bigotry. His customers are almost exclusively white, but loads of them are cops and firefighters and other public servants. Not everyone is cowardly quiet in response, and surely it's only a few who protest openly, because he's so obviously proud of himself when he's maligning people of color. I can't help but think that this anachronistic barber shop is a refuge for Richmond's white racists. Here, behaviors that receive shame and condemnation elsewhere are welcomed and reaffirmed back and forth all day long. Do you think that's far fetched? (please save the comments about who can or cannot use which n-word and how the same kind of stuff goes on at black barber shops, etc)

Looking Out Instead of In

Okay, so enough finger pointing. I started this story with a challenge to look at ourselves and the way we consider certain places to be our domain and others not. It's most obvious, as the barber noted, when a place changes and we are forced to make a decision. I remember when I would hear other white people suggest meeting at the Martini Kitchen and Bubble Lounge at Main and Meadow, even though the food sucked and the drinks were too steep. Now, I never hear the place spoken of among whites, despite it's prominent location. I haven't heard it mentioned once among whites (nor on the blogs) in the couple years since it became popular among middle class blacks.

Richmond is a strange place. Division is one thing, but inflamed polarization on this level is bizarre. Karen was telling me recently that she's struck by the awkward (at best) race relations in Richmond when she gets back from any kind of travel. In December, we were in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, rarely seeing other white people on the streets or in the subway, which were densely populated by African-Americans. But there weren't any bad vibes, even though we didn't fit in. No, not until she was back home, walking Jasper in a stroller down Meadow Street. Then, in "downtown" Richmond, she draws multiple "what the hell are you doing here" looks. (answer: we live less than two blocks away and this is how you get to the thrift store).* It makes me wanna yell at this town, "Richmond, what the hell is our racial hostility doing here? It's 2009 for Christ's sake!"

*I think the disparity in these two examples (NYC/RVA) has a lot to do with the fact that non-white communities in Brooklyn are thriving and secure, in comparison to Richmond where suffering and economic hardship is decades/centuries old and generally specific to the African-American experience in Richmond.

I'm providing these GIS mapping results to provide a little context of segregation in Richmond, both racial and economic, and to demonstrate the overlap of poverty with blacks and affluence with whites.

Iron Chef Battle Vegan

Every time I watch Iron Chef, I'm kinda hoping to see "the Chairman" announce the main ingredient as "no animal products may be used in this meal." If you're thinking that would be a nightmare to cook (or to eat), then I've got my work cut out for me in writing this post. From my point of view, dietary limitations should be a welcome challenge for any chef (especially at home chefs), a true test of knowledge and skill (and maybe understanding of ethical and health concerns). For a good cook, vegetarian fare should inspire creativity and a deeper appreciation for the delicious attributes of natural non-sentient ingredients. In other words, if bacon is the go-to ingredient for flavor and texture, that's a one trick pony approach to cooking that neglects a whole world of flavors.

When I toyed with veganism from 1999-2003, I put loads of energy into the popular reenactments of non-vegan staples: nutritional yeast mac'n'cheese, portobello stroganoff, liquid smoke accented collard greens, tempeh chicken salad, etc. Truth be told, I can make all of these look and taste beautifully (so that only the finickiest eaters would turn up their noses). But, I'm left with the nagging suspicion that a truly great cook could do so much more within the confines of a diet free of animal products. Sure, it's not hard to point to the really energetic vegan cookbook authors, and right here in Richmond there are some great veggie meals to be had (did I mention how much I love Ipanema Cafe and Harrison Street Coffee Shop?). But, wouldn't Eric Ripert or Thomas Keller make all of them look like amateurs, even with one arm tied behind their back? Well, now we know the truth...

Great Chefs Cook Vegan , by Linda Long

No they don't (but for this book, they did). Great chefs don't usually cook vegan. In fact, more often than not, most chefs with a household name love to talk trash about vegetarians, and they really tear into the vegans. It's too bad. What is the threat? I mean, who's afraid of an emaciated hippy? (I'm kidding. Vegans come in all shapes/sizes/stereotypes) I've long believed that vegan cuisine offers a challenge to cooks that forces the imagination into new territory because they have to go forth without the crutch of bacon or fish sauce or chicken stock, etc. Maybe that's it: insecurity. Great chefs, please break free from the link sausage chains that bind you and show the public what is possible with non-animal ingredients. You all are the experts, now prove it. Maybe then, vegans can stop ordering bean burritos without cheese from Taco Bell.

Personally, I'm hoping the best cooks in the world will write the ten commandments of vegan cooking and hand them to Anthony Bourdain so he can promulgate the "the Word" to the people (wouldn't that be some deliciously ironic justice?). This book is not written with that kind of goal (reparation for animal exploitation and needless suffering, clogged arteries, and environmental destruction, etc). The author of this book was a photographer for the Vegetarian Journal magazine. If you're not familiar with it, they've really got a lot of integrity, taking no ads, and generally trying to educate the public. That's a good sign, in my view.

The author, it seems, really likes expensive restaurants (or has money to burn) and did loads of leg work making special dietary requests of the chefs at 4 and 5 star restaurants all over the country. The result is a beautifully photographed book, featuring 3-4 courses from 25 different famous chefs. Overall, Great Chefs Cook Vegan will be fairly inaccessible to regular folk who'd like to learn how elite cooks approach meat/dairy/egg free food. For me, the story in the 2-page introduction is more insightful that the three hundred pages of recipes, but I haven't spent much time with the book yet. Upon first glance, it's some really pretentious grub intended to look at home next to Iron Chef-style dishes like truffled foie gras and sea urchin soup vessels. But, what should I expect, but some slight of hand tricks from the culinary equivalent of Sigrid and Roy? (slight of hand implies quickness, when in fact, these are labor intensive recipes that seem to revolve around cauliflower and lean toward side-dishiness)

If you're a fan of any of these top-notch chefs, you'll want to know what they elected to make for this book and how they made it. Well, aside from a full page bio for each chef, there's scarcely more than a sentence from each on the topic of vegan cooking, and not a word about their inspiration or thought process for each of their recipes. Hey! If you're so great, how about a little insight? I'm hoping that closer inspection will reveal some tricks of the trade that home cooks can bust out when working with veggies. But, for the meantime, the stars are these: Thomas Keller, Jean-George Vongerichten, Eric Ripert, Charlie Trotter, Alex Stratta, Anne Quatrano, Cat Cora, Daniel Boulud, David Burke, Gabriel Kreuther, Josef Huber, Jose Andres, Marcus Samuelsson, Matthew Kenney, Michel Nischan, Suzanne Goin, Todd English.

Great Cooks Matter

While I do my best to form a more informed opinion about Great Chefs Cook Vegan, I want to bring your attention toward a food world revolution that may actually touch the lives of more than just the upper crust diners who call ahead to The Inn at Little Washington to order a vegan meal. Around the same time that I picked up this book, I also got my hands on How to Cook Everything Vegetarian by Mark Bittman. Not only did Bittman drop this thousand page kitchen bible to rival his version intended for omnivores, he's now promoting a vegan until dinner diet for a healthier lifestyle and planet (see his video excerpt below). The guy is a cooking guru and now he's busting out a thoughtful critique of the world around him, including his past work and ideals. In fact, more and more people are looking for ways to eat less meat, sourcing local ingredients for their homemade meals, and then there's that whole eco-green priority that's showing up on grocery store shelves. Truly great cooks are helping us make sense of our diets with these things in mind.

Tune in next time for part two, where I'll talk about some of my favorite vegetarian cookbooks and maybe some social commentary to boot.

Peanut Chili in the RTD

In today's Richmond Times-Dispatch, I've contributed a recipe for peanut chili.* There are a few quotes provided and some general food prep/philosophy as well. But, I'm sure you all will have questions? I mean, peanut chili must be a pretty foreign concept. It was for me in 1999 when my mom made it for me during one of her forays into vegetarian/veganism. She'd subscribed to Vegetarian Times magazine** and zero'd in on the recipe included in a story about cooking with nuts. We've both been wild about the stuff ever since. So, please check it out and share your thoughts. In the hard-copy, there's a picture of me with a bad haircut - sure to become a collector's item.

*It seems that the recipe isn't on the RTD website, just the preface. If you're interested, this link is almost word-for-word the same.
** Didn't VT relocate their corporate HQ to Richmond a few years back?

Heaven Layer Dip

With a big sports-watching weekend upon us, I want to fess up about an irrational weakness of mine. I only watch the Super Bowl so I can hover over the inevitable platter of seven layer dip. I seriously think it's my favorite food in the whole world. I don't know why I find the stuff so satisfying, but I guess there's no accounting for taste. I pride myself on my discernment and appreciation of authentic (tipico) latin cuisine, and yet, I can't get enough of this domestic American football food. Do any of you make this stuff regularly? If so, can I trouble you for some advice? There are plenty of ways to make this dish and it's not REALLY cooking, so I expect even the lurkers and those who only wish they could cook will feel free to let loose and chime in on this.

Three questions:

1. What are YOUR seven layers?
2. What order do you layer them and why?
3. Any other possible regional themes besides southwest? Mediterranen? Middle Eastern?
   

To stir this pot a little, I'll relay some of my seven layer dip beliefs, since I'm pretty opinionated about this subject. But first, here's a seven layer dip tutorial that will increase your competence (skip it if you feel you're a mensa select level dip maker).



Most versions of this dish start with a layer of canned refried beans on the bottom. This is so common that no one is surprised when they break the first five chips off in the dip and then just scoop the stuff onto a plate (or straight into your mouth with your four cupped fingers, depending on who's watching and how much beer you've had). To loosen up those beans, whip some cheap gooey nacho cheese into them, preferably the spicy stuff. That solves part of the problem, making the beans more pliable. You can get a chip into the dip, but the beans may still stick to the bottom of the pan, causing more chip breakage. Solution: put your seasoned and sauteed fake meat crumbles (or ground beef) on the bottom before the bean layer. You'll need enough to act as a buffer. The "meat" will release from the pan, but stick to the beans. Any left behind will get cleaned up by the next dunken chip dipper.

I was looking for a popular conventional recipe for seven layer dip and the one I found at allrecipes.com had a common but glaring error that led reviews to call it bland or "not spicy enough." The problem? The sour cream was plain. Next time, stir a packet of taco seasoning into the sour cream and add some mayo before shmeering. If you're competent with southwest spices, skip the packet and mix your own, but don't skimp on the salt. This tip comes from my mother, by the way. I remember helping out by making the doctored sour cream as a kid. This step is really crucial if you don't want to go to great lengths to season the other layers to make them pop. Apparently, many of the recipe reviewers are familiar with the taco seasoning packet trick as well.

About an hour into the Super Bowl party (or the UFC 94 Penn/GSP mega-fight), you'll notice that the dip is half-gone and there's a nasty looking soup pooling in the empty portion of the platter. There could be a few reasons for this. If my old coworker made the dip, then there's a layer of shredded iceburg lettuce on the bottom, completely wilted and basically liquified. Don't ever do that, mmmmkay? The more common cause is the lazy approach of dumping a jar of salsa as your tomato layer. Flavor-wise, it makes sense, but it's usually a consistency disaster. Over time, gravity pulls the water out of the salsa to the bottom of the pan. Instead, you can go with seeded fresh tomatoes (as we see in the video), or you can go with a jar of taco sauce poured into the shredded cheese layer to hold it in place. I recommend Frontera brand taco sauce if you want your dip to win friends and influence people (or maybe a start a blog).

Pizza from the Home (Depot) Hearth, the Turd Installment

When we left this pizza making story, I had caved in and bought a cheap pizza stone, frustrated by several attempts to turn hardware store products into a suitable baking surface. The problem seemed to be chemical treatments on the tiles, or ingredients in the composite ceramic materials that ended up producing smoke and/or a foul odor in the house. With this total sellout seasoned and sitting in my oven, I was ready to start making pizza for real. Operation, breakfast pizzas. Game on.


Before going to bed, I whipped up some dough using this revelatory recipe that's oh so simple (and guess who wrote it? - my pizza book guy, Peter Reinhardt). Wait, you're not making your own dough? Why not? Do you prefer to pick yours up from the local pizzeria like I did from Mary Angela's last week? That's fine too. For the rest of you, let's talk for a minute. You get a pizza stone, because you want good pizza crust. The snap, the char, the contrast between the chewy inside and the crusty outside. It's all gotta be there and the only way to bring that about is a hot rock and some fresh yeasty dough. No holes in the aluminum baking pan will suffice. That only keeps the pie from stewing in its own sweat - no scalding occurs. The stone even makes your store bought DiGiorno taste not like delivery, but closer to a real pizzeria. Oh yeah. Dough. If you have a stand mixer, it only takes a minute and there's no mess. Make that recipe linked above and consider buying this book (wait! complete text here)

Back to baking. I divided my dough into six balls, bagged them up, and left them in the fridge overnight. The next morning, I baked two pies with whole eggs on top (one red and one white). That's them baking away. Now, before dropping the pies on the stone, I had to preheat the oven with the stone in it. Most people just let their pizza stones live in the oven, by the way. And ideally, preheating should go as high as 800 degrees. My Hotpoint oven only goes to 500 and I don't think I even went that high. Anyhow, before you know it, I've got the exhaust fan going on high and both front and back doors open with Karen complaining that it's too cold for that sh*t. Why? Because smoke and that familiar awful smell starts filling the house.


The pizzas, again, came out great. I over cooked the eggs. The red sauced pizza was so much better than the white (probably the cheddar that snuck onto the white one to please Karen's cheese cravings - still out of pizza cheese). But I couldn't enjoy the results. Another pizza stone experiment literally up in smoke. Grrrr. That crust should be transporting me to Naples right now! (it really was good) Why would this be happening again? Do you know what a confounding variable is? In this case, it's a common factor among experiments that prevents the outcome that I want. What's common among my experiments? The oven. I refuse to accept that something is wrong with my oven, because this never happens unless I put a piece of tile in there. What else? The oil. I read that you're supposed to season the tile with grease or oil. Doh! That's it. I used olive oil, which has a low smoke point. No need to take the pizza stone to the supercan this time. The oil will cook off through repeated use. (wheels still turning, right? hold that thought)

In the next day or two I used up three more dough balls and gave one to a neighbor. There was an lentil and kale dish inspired by my visit to Ruchee Express (and the fact that we're introducing both ingredients to Jasper - he does NOT like them... yet). So, I made a poor excuse for naan bread that was really just garlic schmeared flat bread (still tasty). And then I rolled out the remaining dough ball really thin - while worrying that I'd let the dough hang out in the fridge too long. Whatever, let's make another white pizza.


I dunno, yall. Does this look edible? By this point in the pizza stone charade, the house stopped stinkin up. The smell was faint, if detectable at all. Still lacking any pizza cheese and now out of red sauce, I took some cottage cheese (strange substitution for ricotta) and whipped it with crushed garlic and olive oil using an immersion blender. On top of that, I put some paper thin zucchini slices (using this) that were sauteed in olive oil. When it came out of the oven, I covered it in a light snowstorm of parmigiano reggiano and a drizzling of olive oil. Damn, that sounds pretentious. Sauteed zucchini is a pretty good vegetarian pepperoni, in my opinion. My favorite squash by a mile, cuz it caramelizes so well.

Look, I really needed to end on a high note. Ya know, hit one out of the park, just for my own sense of self-worth. Cracker crust is a favorite in my house. I've even got fond memories of Pizza Hut's thin and crispy pies from my childhood. To paraphrase Peter Reinhardt, your paradigm of pizza perfection is contextual; it's based on what you grew up loving. So, I'm a sucker for a little snap in each bite, and a pizza stone is my ticket to my personal pizza heaven and eating-activated memories.

So, that brings me to the elephant in the room. What about those other tiles that didn't make the cut? Was it the chemical composition of the tile or the olive oil? Ah, the confounding variable. But wait, what's this? Jes, in the Fan, left a comment saying that saltillo tiles are the way to go according to Alton Brown of the Food Network. That links takes you to a place where the minimum order is 900 sq feet (for an over bigger than the first floor of my house). Looks like the hunt is back on. Where in Richmond can one get "raw" (unsealed) saltillo tiles? And are they safe?

I guess this is to be continued after all. In the meantime, I'm going to keep experimenting with crusts and toppings and gadgets when I make pizza. I am starting to think I need one of these to scoop up my pizza, instead of using my flat cookie sheet. The Epicurean model is great and their stuff is so overpriced and unpopular that I often find their cutting boards at Marshalls. Maybe their pizza peel will show up soon. Before that happens, I'll bet we'll see these pizza scissors in the clearance bin any day now. Ah, so many useless things to collect.

Back to Reinhart one last time. In his pizza hunting travels, he found several of what he would call "perfect pizzas." Among all of them, and even those that fell short of perfection, there is a pizzaiolo tending to every detail and taking pride in his or her work, even when the results are unpredictable. Few restaurants have this going for them. But, your kitchen does! That's you. Making good pizza seems so simple, but the devil is in the details. From my experience thus far, it's a painful frustrating process (ask Karen about my kitchen nervous breakdowns), but the satisfaction of producing even a mediocre homemade pie is pretty terrific. At this point, I'm wondering how many times per week Karen will let me make pizzas. I can always use the "Jasper needs more pizza crust teething biscuits" excuse.

Scaling Back Blogging, Sorta

As 2009 gets under way, I'm finding myself really interested in writing about food and generally mixing it up in the blogging world. However, I am also starting a new semester of grad school (only one class, really) and I've got to face facts: when I'm blogging, I should be studying (or paying attention to Karen and Jasper). So, I plan to, and probably will, decrease my attention to this site to some degree. I know, just when I got mentioned in RVA Mag.

But wait! This really could just be one of those overcompensations, like Jim Duncan forecasting a disastrous snowstorm headed straight for Richmond (translate: just covering my... and setting reasonable expectations). I typically use blogging as a form of procrastination during school time. This class has me scheduled to write four 20 page papers, with 30 references each, and eight citations per page, plus an average of 5 chapters of reading per week (plus all those scholarly articles I'll be "referencing"). Nonetheless, the devious angels of my nature will inevitably compel me to blog. And when that happens, it will be stream of consciousness style-sloppy (sorry ladies) and full of therapeutic venting. What's new, right? Have I ever been anything but temperamental?

Despite all of this, I do plan to focus my blogging a bit more by improving my coverage of the areas that receive the most votes in my survey (currently, "cheap restaurants" - vote now). But I won't be confined by public opinion. With the time crunch, I'll probably go with more pictures and less verbosity (yeah right, no promises there). And then there's micro-blogging (see my Twitter updates on the right). Maybe you all can help me find some people who make good tweets and I can use them as my inspiration.

I'd also like to convene (or at least attend) some face-to-face gatherings and break through the barriers that this whole "online community" idea minimally addresses. Some of this will be neighborhood centered or relatively private, but some of my other ideas include wide-open invitations. For instance, Karen and I are lamenting the number of cookbooks that we've stockpiled. So, we'll be giving a couple piles of them away. Hopefully, that will mean new and old friends (maybe some of you anonymous readers) coming over IN PERSON, some munchies and drinks, and books going home with people who will appreciate them more than we were able to.

Okay, enough with my predictions. I've got several blog posts in the works. Hopefully, they'll make it up here soon.

This Weekend's Weird Bargains

Some therapeutic shopping went down this weekend. For most people, that means splurging. Not for the frugal one. No, I get all twisted with my purchases in order to blog blow off steam. It all started at Ross Dress for Less in Willow Lawn. Yeah, I know. The place totally sucks. It's not half the discount store that Marshalls or TJ Maxx are, and it doesn't even compare to it's Northern Virignia counterparts. I don't know why Willow Lawn seems to require suckiness (also evidenced by my latest Hair Cuttery do - the one next to Ross). It's just a fact of life in Richmond.

First off, I found a Penguin brand sweatshirt for $13. It's not really my style, but since it probably retailed for $135, I think I can adapt in order to increase my NYC fashion cred (goes great with Chacos and socks, right?). One isle over, I happened upon some really obnoxious MMA fight-gear brand clothing from "One More Round" (round of beer?). The t-shirt I bought for $5 looks about like this one. the tiger-headed dude in the lotus position is probably supposed to be the fighting spirit of the MMA guy whom the shirt was designed for. This shirt was designed for a guy nicknamed "gumby." Two days after buying it, my new joke shirt gets nominated as an example of "worst MMA clothing company of 2008." Well, you can forget about seeing me out in this thing anytime soon. Someone might think that I'm the baddest man on the planet and therefore I'd be up for a barroom scrap... at which time, I'd have to buy everyone "one more round " of beer to get out of fighting. All this for a $5 t-shirt. But, I'm wearing it now. It fits good and it's comfy. Perfect for watching Fedor/Arlovski on Saturday. That's all I wanted it for: to look silly while enjoying my silly hobby.

On Sunday, Karen went to Trader Joes while I walked Jasper to Stakolee's house after stopping at the "Guns and Amoco." Predictably, the BP at Cary and Meadow serves crappy coffee (my only reason for going). But, there's no other options closer to Byrd Park (we usually walk 10 minutes to Carytown). Maybe one day a locally owned coffeehouse will decide to rent one of the empty Cary/Meadow storefronts that haven't attracted any businesses in the year or two since they were built (brilliant development planning, Richmond).

Karen brought surprises back from her Trader Joes trip. The one I want to share with you is this four pack sampler of Spanish cheeses for $5. There's a manchego (flavorful, but relatively mild and kinda dense,), a curado (creamy and salty, almost ocean-like, exciting to nibble), a semicurado (a lesser version of the full on curado, still good tho), and a tenero (had a delayed effect, plain and then strong, like swiss). The pieces aren't big, but we went through each of them five or six times without eating more than half of the stuff. Okay, they were little slivers for each bite, but we're not schooled in cheese tasting. We're cheapskates and this is how we do it - satisfying, nonetheless. After that fun bit of cheese comparing, Karen and I agreed that we'd had our $5 worth already and plenty more cheese to nibble. Jasper liked each of them as well, by the way (even tinier bites). Anything dairy is okay by him.

Hey, you see those pizza crusts up there in the cheese picture? I don't know why Karen doesn't eat her crusts when I make the pizza from scratch. Well, no longer do I have to give them to the dogs or eat them myself. I've got a little helper now (your surprise is the picture at the end).

The other surprise that Karen brought me was from Marshalls in the far West End. We never get to go to that one. It's not so hot, because the people out there grab the best brands before they go on clearance (the only section I shop). Southpark Mall's Marshalls in Colonial Heights, on the other hand, is overflowing with high end stuff that hangs out untouched for weeks before being reduced a couple more times for quick sale. I guess the folks down there don't have the same tastes as I do.

Wait, where was I? Karen brought me a thoughtful and totally selfless surprise (she won't watch this stuff and I don't blame her). Never before have I seen a UFC dvd at a discount department store (it was $3 on clearance). This one is UFC 56 from 2005, featuring the fighting math teacher (and holder of a Masters of Education), Rich "Ace" Franklin. In the headlining fight, the devout creationist, Frankin ,punches his reformed Jehova's Witness opponent, Nate Quarry, in the face so hard that Quarry goes stiff and falls over like a piece of lumber. In an earlier bout, two guys who may have 1% body fat between them both (GSP/Sherk) wrestle to the ground to make an especially homoerotic muscle sandwich. Well, in all the excitement, one thing leads to another and the smaller guy's nose gets broken (you can hear him go "aaaaaaahhyee!" as it happens and similar sounds are heard with each successive shot). As blood starts running the way broken noses tend to do, the ref jumps in and stops the fight.

Jasper wants you to know that he likes to wrestle big stuffed animals (and his daddy) and he's ready to bust some moves if you send the people from Social Services over.

Peeking into Ruchee Express

On my way home from doing my civic duty on MLK Day (speaking at the General Assembly Budget Committee meeting), I stopped at the latest eatery to pop up on Main Street (at the Morris corner by VCU/7-11). Ruchee Express Indian Cuisine is a welcome addition to the Fan. Downtown really doesn't have any Indian food to speak of, except for that lunch cart down by MCV.

The place is small, as you might recall from Sweetpeas and the catering company that was there before them. But they've already got their system figured out: $6.49 Lunch special of one meat and two veg, naan bread, rice, raita and probably a little chutney. Sound good? Ruchee has reason to believe their new location will be a success (they've got another one on Midlothian Turnpike). VCU's dining hall has been bringing the Ruchee staff in regularly to serve their curries and biryanis and they could barely keep up with demand. Now, VCU students will be able to duck into the little store front and scarf down a delicious bargain lunch between classes, right there in the armpit of the campus (seriously, from Harrison to Papa Johns on Main is a second class substitute for the Grace Street corridor - but, there be bargains here).

Before leaving, I had to sample the food. But, I only had a couple ones and change for the meter stashed away in my car. I got two samosas and one garlic naan (yes, they have a real tandoori oven). Back at the house, we tore into the food. The naan was great, crispy, bubbly, garlicky, and buttery. Go there (or any competent Indian restaurant) and order this stuff. The samosas were okay. Remember, I'm a samosa snob. Plenty of good Indian restaurants make sub-par samosas, while some grocery stores make awesome ones. These were small and the flavors weren't significant enough to keep me from the coriander and tamarind chutnies. A suitable stand-in - about a 7 on the 1-10 scale, being generous.

Anywho, I hope everyone embraces Ruchee, as Indian food is sooooo good in the winter time (okay, all year round too). Their primary location on the southside used to be a real diamond in the rough. Lately, the quality of the buffet hasn't been what it used to be. Let's hope they return to full strength once this new endeavor gets off the ground.

Take a Drive on the Rustic Side

A meal without Jasper has gotten to be a fantasy that Karen and I pine for. At home, Jasper schedules his fussiest behavior for the exact time that we sit down to eat. Hot food has gotten to be a luxury. Usually, it goes cold while we juggle the baby or I scarf it down and burn my tongue and then play with the baby while Karen eats at her own pace (being a slow eater, by nature). On Sunday, Karen's parent's took Jasper away for a few hours and we jumped at the chance to go out and enjoy a leisurely meal.

It was brunch time, and there were plenty of places that we both wanted to try for egg dishes: Lulu's, 821, and various tapas places (eggs or otherwise). In the end, we settled on Cafe Rustica. I'd been once before for a lunch of the signature seafood cakes with this guy and became curious about the rest of the menu. This made me want to return with Karen for a second opinion and to share the experience. Also, since my once upon a time food blogging coworker knows Chef Andy, I had inside info that he'd like to see more people ordering something other than their Mediterranean Shortstack (at least once in a while). I looked forward to that assignment. And or course, the chance to throw down with that ornery Chef Andy character was another attraction. (I can't find their website, if they have one - a little help?).

Off to a Strong Start

At the restaurant, we debated our choices as we sat in one of Cafe Rustica's half-dosen wooden booths. We both prefer booths and were feeling very comfortable. If it weren't for one of my chronic headaches, I'd say everything was perfect, even the prices. Plenty of the $7-8 options sounded really good so we added a couple extras. It started with a house salad for Karen and a cup of pumpkin/apple soup for me. Both were served with a piece of grilled bread. The salad greens and wide variety of veggies made for a healthy start. I overheard Andy saying that he'd used a 30lb pumpkin from his porch and still had 25lbs of it stored away (watch the menu to see it pop up again). This reminded me of the enormous porch pumpkin that I'm still feeding to Jasper. The soup gave me ideas for making Jasper's puree more palatable. I was already using apple for sweetness, but the addition of clove might help. And, did I detect some roasted garlic or maybe caramelized onion? Well, I mopped the bowl clean with my bread and even the pumpkin-persnickitty Karen said she liked it.

When Karen threw in the towel on her salad, I finished it and her bread. Damn that bread is good. I tasted salt, but I wasn't sure about butter, olive oil, or garlic. Whatever it was, it may have spoiled my appetite. I knew I'd be struggling with my entree of poached eggs served over corn polenta, tomato sauce and gorganzola cheese. The variety of flavors piqued my interest, making me forget that I'd had a similar brunch dish at Bacchus a few months back.

The dish was really pretty, arranged in layers within a cazuela pan and that familiar grilled bread on the side. The eggs were perfectly poached ran all over the bread. The rest was good eatin' as well, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a good judge of polenta. What am I looking for in quality polenta? It was more firm than at Bacchus, but it didn't have that congealed blockiness that you sometimes see. In fact, it was even a little creamy tasting as it soaked up the tomato sauce. The thing that makes me most unsure about this dish (twice now) is the combination of gorgonzola and tomato sauce. It must be a classic dish, but I don't really understand why one would want the tanginess of tomatoes with that swirling intensity of a blue cheese. Eggs in tomato sauce seems kinda weird to begin with (but Karen is getting into this kinda similar Israeli recipe). Whatever, I'll read more carefully and get something else next time. A high quality dish, nonetheless.

Out of the Frying Pan...

Karen's "Rustica Skillet" was really impressive to behold. A big square cast iron skillet with two eggs, a pile of roasted potatoes and onions, and slices of rope sausage. Oh, and the grilled bread, of course. The vessel and its contents were nearly sizzling and set an ambiance of excitement at the table (good think Jasper wasn't there to burn his hand on the pan). As Karen worked on her new project, we both noticed a nice smell in the air. It was coming from a small rosemary branch laid in the middle of the skillet. Each element was great and very simply prepared. The potatoes were really eye popping with their golden brown roastedness. Karen really enjoyed the sausage and the flavor it added to the tiny bit of grease that unified the dish at the bottom of the pan (I guess, I did too, to be honest).

Although I had quit before finishing my polenta, I helped Karen eat her bread and eggs after she was done. The eating experience was a pleasure from start to finish, in large part because Chef Andy makes sure that every plate reflects the European tastes, both in flavor and appearance. I was struck how each item seemed significant and thoughtful, even the $3 soup and the $5 salad. On the other hand, maybe it was the magic bread putting each dish over the top. I seriously think they're kinda cheating giving carb-addicts like me such a temptation at every turn.

Did I say Throw Down? I meant Bro Down.

On the way out, Andy chatted us up about his latest vegetarian special, an ugly pile of spinach and cheese dumplings mingling in tomato sauce. He showed me the NYTimes mag page that he'd evidently posted in the kitchen for inspiration. The stuff is called "malfatti" which means "poorly made." But, they sure sound better than the ubiquitous gnochi that I always regret ordering. Too bad, I probably won't get the chance to try the malfatti. Jasper makes mincmeat of most sitters at night (recall that the Twilight movie featured a teenage vampire named Jasper). But I get the impression that I could easily make some "poorly made" at home, although they do look delicate. Which reminds me that I really want to try my hand making Chef Andy's scallop, shrimp, and crabcake that distracts everyone from his menu's other offerings. Luckily, I've learned to look a little deeper at Cafe Rustica, cuz there's good stuff beyond the shortstack. Also, I'm thinking of revising my personal superlatives for best new restaurant to include Cafe Rustica along side the Black Sheep. It will probably be just as good next time, when we bring Jasper along for lunch, but we especially enjoyed the adult getaway for brunch.

Taking Rustic on the Road

After brunch, I drove Karen down Route 5 so she could take in the country passage that really floored me during a long bike ride last weekend (over 20 miles round trip). We followed a series of slight rights passed Rocketts Landing, loads of train tracks and river views, pastures and plantations, rustic old-timey houses, Hadaad's Water Palisades, and eventually all the way to the Fort Harrison battlegrounds where confederates lay in trenches waiting to shoot some Yankees. The day was overcast and too cold to keep the windows down, but Karen definitely understood the appeal of this off-the-beaten-path getaway. In short, "Hell no, I'm not riding a bike all the way out here and back."

On our way to pick up Jasper from my in-laws, we tried to stop by a Marshalls but got lured into an Old Navy. They were having a clearance sale that returned the word to it's real meaning. Everything listed as clearance was an extra 50% off. Neither of us usually like Old Navy, but I wound up buying three pairs of khakis for $6 each and $1 socks and boxers. Jasper got loads of clothes to cover his next 12 months of growth spurts. I asked the cashier and she says the do this every year to get rid of the Christmas inventory. I said, "Thank goodness for China and the wastefulness of capitalism." The sale lasts through Monday, yall.

Pizza from the Home (Depot) Hearth, Part. Deux/Dough/Doh!

I have a confession to make. Since publishing the results of my "Home Depot" pizza story, I've had to go back to the drawing board. As you may recall, the whole point was to circumvent the trap of gourmet store's overpriced pizza stones and find a cheap alternative that would do just as well. I've kept you in the dark about the past two months of drama. I've had to go back to the drawing board three times, reached some humbling conclusions, made some great pizzas, and now find myself totally unsure of anything I've allegedly learned. I guess I should probably bring you up to speed.

Red onion and sausage (GimmeLean brand fake stuff - delicious)
on the Home Depot red brick slab

At first, it seemed like I'd done my homework, cuz the pizza came out fine using a tile from Lowes as my pizza stone. Sure, there was a slight stuffiness in my house from running the oven with a big rock in it, but I figured that would dissipate with time - maybe part of the seasoning/curing process. Karen kept any critical comments to herself, cuz she didn't want to rain on my parade. A couple days later, I was using the leftover dough to make calzones. They came out awesome (but the pictures didn't, so you never heard about'em). Loaded with veggies and 3-4 kinds of fake meat, and weighing at least a couple pounds each, they'd have brought in big bucks on the Grace Street corridor.

However, this time around, I noticed a crack formed in my tile (makeshift pizza stone). Also, Karen and I both couldn't ignore the chemical smell in the air. So, the stone went out to the alley and into the supercan and I set out on another hunt. This time, I went to an actual Home Depot instead of a Lowes and brought home a virtually identical stone. Having selected it using the same Flintstonian process of elimination (it didn't look glazed), I may have actually picked the same brand, make, model (but it said, "natural" on it! probably referred to the color. doh!)

The next experiment was like an instant replay: Beautiful pizza, terrible smell, and a trip to the supercan. After looking online and seeing that others had sought out smaller "quarry" tiles (mine were 18"x18) at local tile specialty stores, I poked my head into Best Tile on Broad Street. When I asked for an unglazed and untreated tile, they acted like I was crazy. When I told them I wanted to cook with it, they acted like I was from Mars. Moving right along then. About the smaller tiles, I asked Sketchy, a local blogging baker, about this and he said Home Depot had them. When I asked if they slide around in his oven during use, he said that he always puts parchment paper down, and that makes everything easier (mental note).

Same pizza, out of the oven, with especially bad lighting
(it's light on cheese, cuz we ran out and I refused to add cheddar - but you can really get into the crust if it's not over-cheesed).

Back at Home Depot, I actually got up the courage to inquire with the staff. "Quarry tiles? Never heard of'em" They didn't think they had anything that would work. (next time don't mention the cooking/pizza part). Then on my way out, I noticed 16x16 red brick walkway stones. They were 2" thick and weighed 39lbs each. Hey, brick ovens are supposed to make great pizza, right? For $3.99, why not? I even stopped by Mary Angela's and picked up a large dough ball for $2.50, saving myself some work.

Back at the house, it was deja vu all over again. Only this time, I got a headache from the fumes and I'm pretty sure Karen had had enough of my subjecting the baby to this questionable air quality (although we were both crazy about the chewy crust on the pizza (thanks Mary Angelas). With a little effort, the red brick was heaved out the door. At this point, Karen points out the obvious, "How much have you spent so far? Couldn't you have just bought a pizza stone for that?" I'd spent almost $20, and yes, that's how much they cost at Bed Bath and Beyond, but those models are crap and they'll crack over time (according to the discussion forums). I wanted something equivalent to the high end pizza stones and I wanted to pay pennies on the dollar. Plus, I'm doing this for yall! My loss is your gain (if I actually find a suitable alternative).

Peeking at the crust told me that it was gonna be chewy. I was going for crispy, so I put half of it back in and got that distinct twice cooked sensation you get with pizza sold by the slice - but it did crunch.

My next stop took me to Southern States. I was looking for a huge piece of terra cotta. Someone online said they'd just flipped a 16" base over and used the flat bottom of it. Well, they had one that size, but it had a ridge on the outside and some other grooves that would have gotten in the way. Plus, it was $14.99.

Gang, you're gonna be so disappointed in me. You know where I went next? Bed Bath and Beyond. Dammit, I just wanna make good (and safe to eat) pizza at this point. To heck with an industrial strength stone. To heck with the irresistible bargain hunt fueled by self-righteous principles and a touch of OCD. I read right up to the recipes section of this amazing book about the search for the perfect pizza. Reinhart's search is over and mine won't begin until I have a rock in my oven to burn the bottom of my pizza. So, I cheated. But, I'm not satisfied yet and I haven't given up. There must be a way to hearth your home oven from hardware store products. If you stay tuned for the third installment, you'll find me further confounded, but still hot on the trail of this mystery. You'll also find recipes for Napolitana pizza dough and... some really fantastic breakfast pizzas. See you on the flip side.

This is the box for the 15x14 stone, by Oneida from Bed Bath and Bleccchttt! (it's really an awful store). On Amazon, it's basically this one or this one (one of them will be cheaper and offers free shipping).