Showing posts with label foodie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foodie. Show all posts

Monday, October 13, 2008

Rare Pictures of Foodie Spawn Feeding

Rather than bore you with the Guard family's economic desperation and dispair, maybe I should give you some highlights from the ever changing world of Jasper Diego. That's right, babies don't give a shit about Wall Street or Main street. They just know they gots ta eat. Whereas previously, a picture of Jasper getting his grub on would have required a legal disclaimer and possibly a monthly subscription fee, the new additions to his diet are totally G-rated.


This isn't chrono- logical order. Here, Jasper is about a week into his occasional solid food treat. How about that helpful open-mouth reflex? Where did he learn it? The final scene from A Clockwork Orange?


The little guy's mouth also has a reflex that pushes food out to prevent choking, but he has really taken to this pureed butternut squash (bought at the Forrest Hill farmers' market and baked and blended at home).



Yeah, that bib says "Give peas a chance." But we're not quite there yet. Gotta take it slow and test each ingredient long enough to figure out if he's allergic or if there's any kind of intestinal reaction. So far, it's just blended butternut and frozen bananas in a little mesh baggy (perfect for teething) that allows only a puree to leech out into the gnawing and nursing mouth.


It wasn't always peaches 'n'cream feeding Jasper Dee his poridge. This is the first time around. Rice cereal from Earth's Best Organic. He was fussy to begin with and he didn't know what to make of the stuff we put in his mouth. The initial reaction passed eventually and he allowed the experiment to continue.


Even though he demanded to have a hand in the process to ensure competent imple- mentation, Jasper wasn't keen on this new food at first. What's that expression saying? "Are you sure this is what humans are supposed to eat?" I make the same face when I change his diapers and ask myself the same question, "Am I sure we're feeding him right?"


The moral of this story is right here on the tea leaves of this baby's face. Businesses may not see their graphic designer and marketing coordinator as a dependent, but Jasper is sure as heck dependent on us; no layoffs can change that. If you know anyone who needs graphic design work, send them to Karen's new freelance site.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

How to Order Milk with Style, by Jasper

It's probably too early to know for certain if my son is going to have the same high-maintenance foodie tendencies as his daddy. However, I did recently catch Baby Jaz giving some lip as he was placing an order for his favorite snack. The flash of anger shown by Mr. Fussy Face conveys plenty of sentiments. In case you don't pick up what Jasper is putting down, I've included some translation, so be sure to read the quotes. In essence, Jasper says, "If I don't get my milk, there will be blood."
What's that you say? Is it dinner time already? Well, I suppose I could have a little taste. What's on the menu.

Hmmm, wait. Don't tell me. I've heard that you carry some homemade dairy products? And how do you serve that dish here?

Boobies? My favorite! Well, let me get warmed up for this, so I can get my drink on proper. First, I turn my head to the side and open wide.

Then I clamp down, thusly. Wait, don't laugh. A good latch is crucial to avoid the discomfort of gassy bloating.


Oh yeah. Here we go now. Workin' that boobie and pulling down some dairy. Mmmmmwwwwa!


Woman, don't laugh at me! I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE. I DRINK IT UP!

My sucker pucker will tear up a boobie. C'mon, let's have it, already. Right here on the porch. I don't give a &^%$@#!

What the hell are you lookin' at? Is somebody talking to you? Fool, do not disturb me when I'm gettin' ready for my milk.